i just wanna soil my oats bro
farters have to be the big spoon...
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
This toilet bowl is my home.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
