youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Randomize
