I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
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