Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
