Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
this hospital has no fireball
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
