Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
