stop calling my apartment porn island.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Drunk is not a location!
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
