im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
