two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Walk of Shame today included voting.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
