Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
