I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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