I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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