I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
