My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
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