my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
