I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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