I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
