I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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