You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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