It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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