she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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