hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
