don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
