Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
