On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
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And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
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I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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