If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
