oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
me + whiskey = a bad person
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
