I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
