i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
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