you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
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only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
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you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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