if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Randomize
