I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
