and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
