i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
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The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
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I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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