Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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