So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
