Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
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She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
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I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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