HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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