God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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