The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
