Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
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