so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
