Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
