Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
