She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
