It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I look better un-naked...
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
