No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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