I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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