rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
