I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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