I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
