He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
if i died would you start the facebook group?
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
