we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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