In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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