I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
