Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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