Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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