I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
