seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
