dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
you made out with another girl for some wings
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
