you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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