3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Randomize
