Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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