Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
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