I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
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