I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize