New low: just hacked my moms facebook
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
