Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
