First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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