Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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