I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
